Benji kind of doesn't want to grow up
Sag Harbor is probably the book we've read that talks the most about childhood. Fun Home did discuss childhood but mostly in the context of explaining adult behaviors, and most of the other books we have read have focused on their protagonist's adolescence. By looking back at Beji's childhood so much, Sag Harbor gives us the idea that coming-of-age is not just a series of firsts, it is also a series of lasts. Growing into new things also means growing out of old things. In the very first chapter, Ben sets this tone by mentioning how Reggie no longer wants to bike around the neighborhood with him even though they always had before, saying "It was the last time we'd start the summer that way" (31).
This idea goes through the whole book and I think that it can be picked up in a lot of different examples of the way that Benji interacts with his friends and often feels behind. One of the quotes that jumped out to me as exemplifying this idea was when Benji and Melanie go back to the house he used to stay in when he was it kid and he says, "The last time I slept in it--the night of that summer's Labor Day party--I hadn't known it was going to be the final time" (299). He communicates this idea of these final moments of something that has always been present and familiar, like goodbyes, but where he doesn't know that anything is ending. This is a much sadder way of looking at growing up than some of the other books we have read this semester. This is definitely a summer of growth and change for Benji, and a lot of it is marked by milestones and things that he is really happy and pleased with, but the beginning of something is also always the end of something else.
Adolescence is sort of being present in the world of children and the world of adults at the same time. Or maybe it's being not quite in either I don't know. But either way, there is this idea in Sag Harbor that certain things cannot overlap. For Benji to have new things in his life, the old things must go, often with very little fanfare and leaving him completely unaware that any loss has taken place at all until it's too late to say goodbye. This ties in with Ben's idea of things changing when he got to high school with no warning, as if everyone received a message that he was left out of, leaving him still trying to do these childhood traditions when everyone else is already past them. Sag Harbor's growing up looks forward at Benji's future, but also backward at what is lost in his past.
Fantastic blog post, I really enjoyed reading it. I think it's lovely that you mentioned coming of age as containing lasts as well as firsts, that's something that's often been lost as we read this semester. I completely see where you're coming from with the idea that he doesn't necessarily want to come of age, and there's plenty of evidence to that effect. However, in a way he's excited to as well. I mean, right at the beginning we see him requesting a name change from "Benji" to "Ben" in order to seem and feel more grown up, and I think that says a lot. He's conflicted, inpatient and nostalgic, and I would say all of those emotions are crucial to the experience.
ReplyDeleteI think Benji wants to experience new things, like going to clubs and girlfriends, but is still sad about the memories he's leaving behind. But he still expresses frustration with his younger self, for looking or acting a certain way, and wants to leave that behind. He's in a weird place between rushing and wanting to slow things down
ReplyDeleteYour idea of adolescence being in the world of both children and adults (or neither) is really interesting, and I've never really thought about it in that way before. To me, adolescence seems more like it's being a part of both worlds. In my opinion, it's because much of the outside world still views you as young, but you begin to view yourself as older. At the age of 13, for example, so many people would assume that 13 is still a young age, however to a 13 year old, it would be important that this is their first year being a teen. It's a very complicated and weird idea to think about, but I like how you picked it apart in the context of Sag Harbor.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a compelling idea and I absolutely love your analysis of the meaning of “coming-of-age” in Sag Harbor. I totally agree, and I’ve never really thought about it before from this perspective. I found this idea that you explore about moving forward but also leaving things behind at the same time fascinating. In other books, I think maybe Black Swan Green in particular, coming-of-age is specifically viewed as simply this passage into a more mature world. Jason (perhaps because he is young and narrating “in the moment”) didn’t seem to reflect on all that was being left behind, until the very end, because he was just going along on his path without analyzing. But this is what Ben, as an adult narrator, is able to do. I can relate in that it’s sometimes hard to realize the exact significance of something in my life until it’s done or finished, which is really sad. But I think it’s an essential part of growing up and is something that Sag Harbor really well and beautifully illustrates. Your ideas of adolescence as a stage in life really stood out to me as well, as that sort of in-between or completely separate part of life. This was super interesting. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this blog post, and you bring up some great points! While I do agree that Benji oftentimes doesn't know something is going to end until it's already over, I think he actually pays more attention and notices that kind of "ending" more than other kids his age seem to. We've already seen that, like you mentioned, Benji seems to be lagging behind others in the "growing up" area, oftentimes missing unspoken cues. I think that's because of how much focus Benji puts on everything going around him, like his focus on the handshakes. While others his age are perfectly fine just leaving things behind and moving forward, Benji is hyperaware of everything he is losing, and very aware of the fact that a lot of these things are going to be gone for good. I'm not sure others in Benji's Sag Harbor crew do the same, but from Benji's perspective, it seems as though no one else really thinks or cares that much about the things Benji's hung up about, all these endings. They just want to keep moving forward, do what's cool and fun, and not spend a lot of time reminiscing or paying attention to what they're losing.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Benji definitely looks at life as being an immature child at one point, then a mature growing adult the next. For example, when he mentions people who don't go out to Sag harbor anymore, he describes those people as being too old once they graduate high school. Sag harbor is the representation of childhood, one year you are in Sag harbor and one year you abruptly stop visiting, marking the abrupt transition to maturity.
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